THE YARD
OFFICIAL TOURIST GUIDE - SEE THE SIGHTS!! ALL OF THE SIGHTS ARE LISTED. ALL OF THEM.
COME SEE THE YARD!!
every location in town is listed below. the rest of the island is not town. the rest of the island is nothing. there is nothing in the other corner of the island. stop asking.
THE ITALIANO RESTORANTE
our cute little restuarant!!1 open every pizza day (and also the other days). home of the hot slice. the walls inside are painted with a mural of the sea. if you look at the mural long enough the sea looks back. that is art, baby!!
THE GENERAL STORE
proprietor: market yard. sells: epic sauce, mayo, and whatever you came in for. the banned list is posted on the door and updated hourly. do not ask market what sauce he sells unless you are prepared for the answer.
THE PLAYGROUND
now with TWO (2) slides!! built and maintained by playground commissioner yoober yard. the red slide's paint is still drying. you can hear the mayors song from here. IT MAKES YOU GO A LITTLE FUNNY WHEN YOU ARE IN THE PLAYGROUND but that is normal and fine.
(a drawing of the playground by a local kid. the kid drew a clown in a toilet. there are no clowns in town.)
THE SHELTER
the town storm shelter!! used during storms, disasters and emergencies. currently also used as the mayors residence while his house is being... maintained. the shelter is located near the mountain. do not wander from the shelter toward the mountain. the mountain has nothing behind it.
THE CHURCH
the town church!! services every week. the basement is closed for inventory. what is being inventoried? books. so many books. one of the books does not give its name. the book gives only instructions. (see town records)
THE GRAVEYARD
the town graveyard, resting place of bella yard (beloved), noober yard (the accident), and others. four of the six founders are here (wyoming, dragon endrus, rain, gustavo williams - all died young). elena f. yard, the first yard, is here too; her tombstone reads "THE ONLY SURVIVOR OF THE DISEASE" - nobody knows what the disease is, the tombstone does not elaborate. the sixth founder, zoober, is not here. zoober is fine. do not worry about zoober. one other gravestone has no name on it. it says only: WE DON'T REMEMBER. the council has confirmed this is a decoration. UNCONFIRMED
THE LIGHTHOUSE
operational. it has always been operational. the light spins at night. if you count the flashes you will always lose count. that is a fun game for the whole family.
THE MOUNTAIN
the mountain is the tall thing. behind the mountain is the ???? which is closed (see notice #44). there is nothing behind the mountain. pop looked. the animals looked. the animals came back different, which is a coincidence.
GIRVAN (SISTER CITY)
our sister city across the sea!! home of the girvan music studio and buildings so tall you cannot see the top from the ground. doober yard has a pen pal there. read more on the girvan page: click here
you have seen all the locations. all of them. there were always this many locations.
